Wednesday, April 10, 2013

The Thief

I wake up every day and end every day with pain in my front teeth.  I am taking anti-anxiety medication because of stress and anxiety in my life.  The thief I deal with is fear.  I know I am supposed to trust in the Lord.  I know I am not supposed to worry.  It is easier said than done when you have lived with fear for so long.  I remember as a kid visiting my aunt 2-1/2 hours away and worrying that I left my curling iron on at home when I left.  I often worry that I left something plugged in nowadays when I leave home.  When I have something important in my purse, I have to look 4 or 5 times to make sure I put it in there and it didn't fall out along the way. I know, I sound like I have OCD.

My oldest son is in ninth grade.  We homeschool, so I am afraid that he is not learning what he needs to learn or that I am keeping track the right way so that he can get into the college of his choosing in another 3 years.  I worry that my youngest won't pass her standardized test next week and will have to be educated in a different way.  My middle child has his own issues, so I worry what that will mean for his future.  He is only 13.  Most likely, he will grow out of these issues.

I worry that my kids' faith is strong enough to stand against the onslaught of evil in the world and what may be coming in the future.  I don't want them to do the things I did when I was in high school and college.

I worry about finances.  Will we be able to pay all the bills?  Will we be able to do fun things as a family?  What happens if an unexpected bill comes along?  We've had many of those.

I find that I am more fearful when I drive these days.  We hear more than once a week about somebody dying in an auto accident within 15 miles of us.  There have to be more people who die in auto accidents in Florida than in PA.

What in the world is the cause for all of this fear?  Satan.  He's having a field day?  My God created the universe.  My God created me.  Christ died for me.  I have a relationship with God now because of Christ's sacrifice.  He cares for me and doesn't want me to worry.

I often envision myself being carried in God's arms.  I find that I can relax.  If only I could go through my day not necessarily having to envision that but just being able to remember that God does carry me through the hard times.

I spent so much of my life trying to have control over things.  I had very little control over moving to Florida, and that was the most freeing time of my life.  My teeth didn't hurt for months during and after that whole process.  I left everything to God and trusted that he would provide.  He did without fail.

God is constant.  He never changes.  I am the one who waxes and wanes in my faith.  Amazingly, God still loves me and always will.  How amazing it will be when there will be no more tears and no more fears!

If anybody has any tried and true method of reducing fear and anxiety, please pass it along.  I will continue praying and trying to remember God's promises to me.  Maybe that's what I should do: Find them and write them down and then repeat them over and over again throughout the day.  That would certainly keep the devil out of my head.

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