Well, I handed in my kids' portfolios this past week...another school year completely over. Now it's on to filing affidavit and objectives for next year, but I don't want to sit down and write them. There has been little to no work this week with my job to the point that when there is work to do I have no motivation to do it. I have a lot of projects (like a massive amount of painting) to do around the house to try to get it ready for selling next year, but I either don't have the money to buy what I need to do them or, again, lack the motivation.
I get frustrated with myself when I eat too many calories in a day. I know I need to exercise more, but I just don't really enjoy exercising inside. I'd rather hike somewhere. When we went camping last weekend and took a long hike, that was great!! I loved that, but we don't live near a really good hiking place. When I think about doing anything, I think to myself, "It's just easier to stay home and do nothing." What is that? I wish I knew what my problem was.
I just said to John the other day that I feel discontent. The Bible tells us to be content, so I feel like I'm wrong. But then I've got to wonder, if I'm discontent with the status quo, could it be God's way of telling me to get off my butt and change something. I like change, so why is it so hard? The status quo is easier I guess. There is no unknown in the status quo.
I find that I am irritated with myself when I think of the changes other people are making. I drive past a bakery that just opened a few months ago in Canonsburg. I think to myself, "I could have done that." I hear of friends who are writing books or selling homeschool curriculum that they wrote, and I think, "I could have done that." I get involved in the excitement going on in other people's lives and find myself getting discouraged that I am doing nothing in my own life.
Am I lazy? Is it just that the school year ended and my brain has gone into hibernation? Am I afraid of the unknown, or I am afraid of failing? Who knows? It is probably a bit of all of those. I am really hoping that my discontent will soon spur me on to something exciting, something that I feel I should have been doing all along and then, hopefully, I can get out of the rut of the status quo.